words over numbers

The Times, They are A-Changin'

2010-09-15T12:33:00.001-05:00

I am moving blogs. I am no longer Tripelll, though I am OFFICIALLY an LT. You win some, you lose some :)

Come follow me at http://girldeconstructed.posterous.com/

Revolutionary, indeed.

2010-04-13T09:13:00.005-05:00

I have been completely taken in by Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. When I first heard of this show, I turned up my nose. After all, haven't we been sucked into watching something like this before? From game shows where money is the motivator to even the forty-five second commercials concerning the glorious (and unrealistic) evolutions of Marie Osmond and Valerie Bertinelli, our world is filled with the promise that Skinny will bring Smiles. In one of the fattest cities of our great, fat nation, I carry more weight than I should, and yes, when I hear promises of quick weight loss and miracle makeovers, my head turns. I have to admit to being full of cynicism, though, knowing that pills and plans don't do the work I wish they could. However, on my quest to give myself a chance, and to revise my evaluations of the world around me, I have learned about the glory of educated choices, and the power of controlling my life. Instead of yelling and screaming at contestants and viewers about their fat faults, or pointing and laughing, I think Jamie Oliver's show is trying to teach. What a revolutionary concept.

Typically, I am not a fan of weight-centric shows. Having suffered with weight issues throughout my life, I can safely say that having Jillian Michaels screaming in my face will do nothing for me. Cruelty does not grant success. It's no secret that weight issues and self-esteem are linked. While doing some research for this post, I found countless articles filled with experiments or social commentary about the effect of self-esteem on weight and vice versa. One study in China, where 'thin' has taken on a brand new meaning due to Western exposure, shows that even the perception of fat can alter personality, mood, and behavior. Chinese teens who believed themselves to be overweight saw dramatic decreases in grades, school participation, and socializing.

Bin Xie, the associate professor at USC who documented this study, said, "The major point here is that misperception has an important impact on academic performance and a person’s psychological experience." Whether or not these students were actually normal weight did not matter; what they were told about themselves, as well as what they believed, negatively affected their motivation.

It also cannot be healthy to propagate the mindset that overweight people belong in a class of their own. Shows such as "Dance Your Ass Off" or "More to Love" are simply excuses to reinstate carnival freak shows from days gone by. Considering one was an experiment to prove that fat people can still dance, while the other maintains that only fat people can date fat people (and fat people would only want to date fat people), I have to wonder. Does the general public think people don't realize they're overweight? I believe the consensus is that those with weight issues can be teased because, unlike race, being overweight is a 'choice'.

Without delving into what society deems "fat" and "thin", Jamie Oliver is attacking the ignorance factor. It is probably true that the majority of parents have no idea what their kids eat for lunch. Somehow I managed to make it through at least two years of high school eating a bag of chips for lunch every day. Surely if my mom had any clue she would've suggested something a little healthier. But my mother has always been someone who cooks, so despite what damage I may do to myself between 8am - 4pm, there would be vegetables on the table at night. Her schedule and her sense of priority allowed for that.

Oliver appeals to the sense of priority bit. He understands lack of schedule, working multiple jobs, and the fact that a lot of people simply do not know what to do anymore. Fast food is cheap and easy, and most kids like it. Beyond that, I see those who were raised on prepackaged foods suffering as adults, wondering how they're not losing weight when they eat restaurant salads, or heat foods up in the microwave for every meal. It is rare to find someone in our society with a very clear picture of the caloric value of foods. Additionally, finding people who comprehend what is IN the food they eat seems even more difficult.

A study performed by the University of Deleware shows an increase in organic food demand of about 20% since 2003, as well as a 70% increase in genetically modified foods. When faced with the term, consumers posed all sorts of concerned queries for researchers about what genetically modified means, what health concerns follow it, and how it affects the environment. What I find fascinating is the designation between organic and genetically modified. Basically, no matter how it is grown, produced, harvested, or treated, genetically modified food cannot be considered organic. The only way to avoid any sort of genetic modification in your food is to buy something labeled organic, which, at least in Houston, means it costs as much as $3.00 more at times. I completely understand how that is not an option for families, especially in our current economy. Purchasing a five dollar head of lettuce that your child won't eat anyway definitely feels wasteful.

Again I point toward Oliver's suggestions. In his kitchen, a restaurant-type business that he's set up in West Virginia where he teaches people how to cook, Jamie preaches the gospel of frozen foods instead of cans. He shows teenagers that putting two veggies and a chicken breast in a pan makes a meal. Parents learn options that make vegetables taste good to their kids, and even though I didn't realize it, it seems that giving the kids a job in the kitchen often makes them feel included, making the final result more receptive children at the table. Yes, it is also best if we clean off our tables and use them for eating again. That will be a big challenge for me.

I suppose I gravitate toward this show because my house is undergoing its own nutritional revolution. I know that I really respect and appreciate the way he handles the people he's teaching. He doesn't talk down to anyone, but listens intently to their frustrations and fears. He counters all the obstacles thrown in his path with logical statements, reasonable options, and instead of hoping people figure it out for themselves, he provides reasonable assistance. Not once does he lock the overweight family in a compound filled with "nice" and "naughty" cabinets, supplied with all the sugary, addictive foods that caused the problems in the first place. THAT type of behavior shows complete ignorance, believing the solution to weight problems is to simply stop eating.

Biggest Loser season 4 winner Bill Germanakos said last January, “I’m a morbidly obese person in a fit body. I’m hungry all the time. Every day is a struggle.” Meanwhile season three's Eric Chopin regained 122 pounds after his win. Season one champion Ryan Benson gained thirty pounds immediately following the contest simply by re-hydrating. Obviously competition, money, and ridicule are not motivation, which indicates that there is more here than a problem with willpower.

Jamie Oliver is teaching more than nutrition, and he's opening our eyes to more than what is offered in the school cafeteria. If the consistent and unhealthy loss of weight is considered a disease worthy of patience, therapy and understanding, perhaps we really do need to wake up. Oliver is teaching the country that the consistent and unhealthy gain of weight is a disease that encompasses the body, mind, and soul. He is finding sympathy, patience, and understanding for those who need it desperately - those being ridiculed in the corner.

A New Tradition

2010-04-05T16:55:00.003-05:00

Ben and I decided that our Easter weekend tradition will be an annual watching of the Original Trilogy. Yes, I capitalized that for a reason. While watching, I was once again blown away by two points:

1) What an exceptional character Leia is, particularly for the genre (Sci-Fi, and yes, that is a blanket statement, but for the non-sci-fi obsessed like me, there seems to be an abundance of sexist male and sexualized female characters that surface in the mainstream)

2) How is it there are still people out there that do not like Star Wars? They do not wish to see it, shrug, say 'Meh' when it's brought up. What is wrong with these people?

Magic & Corsets

2010-03-30T11:27:00.003-05:00

I am nearly finished with the final novel in the Gemma Doyle Trilogy by Libba Bray. They are fascinating, easy to read, and a definite step up from a lot of the other Young Adult / Teen lit. that is available today.

My one complaint with the series is the fact that so much is told, not shown. Libba Bray stated in an interview I read recently that she is a trained playwright, and she was a theater major in college. I think this shows up quite often in her work, as we are taken time and time again to a magic world, The Realms, and I still have not established a clear mental image of what it is like there. I read time and time again that it is more beautiful than I can imagine, a green meadow where their footsteps create bright red flowers; the trees droop with the weight of heavy fruit, but like the pomegranate trees in Hades' lair, it is temptation only to keep you anchored in that world.

I spent quite a bit of time studying Persephone's tale as I wrote about Demeter in grad. school, and what I find most interesting about Bray's temptation fruit is that it is not necessarily a fruit of any kind of knowledge. It also does not seem to be symbolic of any particular growth, development, or choice. It's delightful, it appears to be delicious, it's definitely ripe - so its purpose is to lure you and keep you, though the rules of the novel state one cannot be kept in the Realms. It's an odd comparison, one that could not be more purposeful, and yet I think it was a careless choice. Symbolic for the purpose of symbolism.

Aside from this, my time spent on Victorian Literature (specifically on the world of the Victorian female) has created in me a love for this series of books. Bray has done her research on the life and times of Victorian teen-aged girls from every station. Their issues develop as the books do, so that we are not only faced with situations such as interracial love interests, inter-class mingling, and being cast out of the "In" crowd, but so much more. Bray touches on cutting, weight issues, various abuses, dating, and she has a very special way of making all of these conditions time appropriate, yet easy to relate to for any girl. I was most impressed with how she wrote about a character who was being forced into marriage. The story is nothing new (see Titanic, etc.), but Bray writes it in a way that is fresh, with a new understanding and perspective.

Most appreciated of all, though, is the natural maturation and evolution of Gemma, Felicity, and Ann. In the first novel they are fifteen and sixteen, still in finishing school, still acting girlishly whenever possible, but being forced into the mold of 'woman' and 'lady'. They are being prepared for what their lives will hold. Two of them look forward to coming out seasons, making good marriages, and one feels the pressure of being penniless and orphaned with no choices. By the third book, their experiences have altered them greatly, and they are much older in action and thought. I appreciate this - it shows a respect for teenagers that I think is lacking in many of the most popular YA books available (ahem, TWILIGHT).

All in all, I enjoyed these books, read them very quickly, and will probably read more of Bray's work. She's creative and smart, and her writing shows it.

The Progress of My Newest Start

2010-03-23T09:42:00.002-05:00

Good Morning!

It's been a couple months, time that I've given myself to see if I'm going to be true to my word. So far I've done very well with my resolution, always keeping the future in mind. That is my update (because I don't want to get into numbers and things).

I spent some time reading old blog entries and I really do miss school. It kept my brain active. So I am going to try to do more scholastic reading and writing, as well as the normal everyday update stuff.

Normal, Everyday Update Stuff -

Ben and I are doing very well. We have found a home for most of our amazing and wonderful wedding gifts, and we have almost all of our pictures from the photographer and our friends! I should have blogged more throughout the wedding process, explaining in detail things that I would've appreciated knowing. For example, women are still each other's number one enemy. For whatever reason, bringing up a wedding means women will tell you their divorce horror stories. They will glare at you as you register for the same dishes they registered for, and yes, if their cute nametag says BRIDE at the Expo, watch out. PS. If anyone is wearing a tiara and veil prior to the actual day of the wedding, move out the way. That's all I'm saying.

Reading -

I am currently reading Libba Bray's A Great and Terrible Beauty. I recognize that should I ever get my writing going, it will no doubt be for Young Adults, so I am reading more recognized YA stuff these days. That category offers me the most irritation, while at the same time the most possibility. It's one of those things - if you don't like what's out there, why just sit around and complain about it? A critic should at least attempt to correct what she finds so odious out in the world.

Anyway, the book is actually quite interesting, even if I feel it is a Supernatural Victorian Female version of Dead Poets' Society. I see on IMDB that it is already going to be a movie. No cast announced. God save us from Emma Watson, PLEASE.

I went to see The Ghostwriter with Ben and we ended the night deciding that we will join Netflix again, and we will begin a routine of renting films we can discuss on a deeper level. He was struck by my excitement about one of the scenes in Ghostwriter (it very clearly mirrored another Polanski film, Chinatown), and we decided to start film analysis. We tried with books but our tastes are so different... I'm still trying to read his recommendation.

I hate new year's resolutions...

2009-12-29T15:55:00.003-06:00

The other night Ben and I were getting ready to have dinner and drinks with some of his high school friends. Unfortunately, this occurred on one of what I call my difficult closet days.

There are times in my life, fairly often in fact, where every piece of clothing in my closet is my enemy. There is nothing that fits well, looks good, is effective when I want to look somewhere between breath-taking and bargain-shopping. It's times like these when I am possessed with the idea that everything in my closet which is not appropriate would look better. I find myself thinking the only attractive shirt I have is a tank top and on a December evening, that's hardly going to happen.

Frustrated, I asked Ben what I should wear. He pointed out a few things, I argued, he gave up. This is not uncommon. What was different that night was something he said to me. As he left the closet, confused with the way my mind works, I told him to help.

"Here's the problem," he said. "In the three years I've known you, I've never heard you say you look fantastic. You never think you look amazing."

I have to admit to pouting, but more to realizing he was right. Aside from the very rare occasion, I usually do not feel that I look 'fantastic'. I had to wonder why.

Fantastic is a big word. It means based on fantasy, beyond reality, so extreme as to challenge possibility and belief. Fantasy is magic. It's the makeover moment at the end of the tedious TLC show, isn't it? So am I putting too much emphasis on the definition of the word? I shifted the thought - do I ever even think I look good? Or, downshifting even more, do I ever look good enough?

Ben followed up his statement with, "Hey - why are you worried? I'm just going to wear a hoodie."

"That's fine for you," I replied, and I meant it, which shut me up again. Why was it so much more important for me to look good instead of him? More than that, I had to wonder why I didn't think he was going to look bad at all. In my mind, hoodie and jeans was a completely acceptable outfit for him - in fact, it made me wish I had a flattering hoodie (is there any such thing?).

Fixing the problem with what I wore that night was really not the issue. Neither was what Ben wore. The reality is I have a different set of standards for myself than I have for other people. Even more surprising, I realized my set of standards is impossible to reach. My idea of fantastic is fantasy. How am I ever going to live up to my own ideals? Easy. I'm not. My standards need a makeover. It's no wonder that I never achieve my goals - no one could.

So in the spirit of New Year's, and doing something I truly hate (but promising myself that I will write about it as a sort of reward), I make a resolution. I am going to change the way I look ... at the world.

Will I keep this resolution? I don't know. I know that as of last year, cheating on my resolution was like lighting the fuse on the bomb - it would end it all. I would think one mistake would ruin it all - one out of 365 days and I gave up on the entire year! That seems a little unfair, when looking from an outside point of view, and mistakes need to be expected. So I hope that one way for me to keep this resolution is to expect some mistakes. Let's call it the first big step.

I'm starting my life with my husband - an awesome, amazing man who loves me even with all my imperfections. I owe him enough to start listening when he says I'm fantastic. Now is the perfect time for me to start a life that actually sounds a bit easier than the life I've been trying to lead. I know this is going to be very hard, but isn't that was New Year's Resolutions are for?

Just Keep Plugging

2009-05-06T15:25:00.002-05:00

I actually hate that phrase - plugging is kind of a gross word, and the more you say it in your head, the worse it sounds. Far too many glottals for my taste.

However, it is what I am doing. I graduate in two weeks with my Master's in English, and, of course, the job market is a desert. I knew it would be anyway - the old joke people continue to tell in front of me, no matter how little I smile, is "Masters in English? Try Master's in Starbuck's!" Yuk Yuk. Today's economy has not helped this at all, though my experience writing in SEO style has been a little effective in getting some calls back.

On the plus side, I was considering doing ACP and teaching in the fall. I still think I'm going to get my certification here, but might as well do it now, for free, and hang out for a bit. That way when I have it, I can teach where I want instead of at a school that requires bullet-proof professional wear. I've been there and I've done that. I'm over it. The good news is that if I do the ACP here, the wedding plans stay on target (STAY ON TARGET), I don't have to worry about requesting time off because I know my boss will let us have it, and mostly, it's free.

Don't get me wrong: my resume is still out there floating around. I am still pursuing interesting looking opportunities. I am still willing and able to move anywhere (Colorado, California, Connecticut - please call me). However in the meantime, this is what the plan looks like.

Today I was approached to tutor someone, something I will really enjoy. I have time to write again, as evidenced here. I get up daily and go to the gym, something I seem to think I dislike until I'm done, then I feel amazing. I have a beautiful wedding dress in my upstairs closet! Life is good, pretty much, overall.

Last night I looked at Ben and said, "I love our life." I mean it, too. I got home from work, we talked, we watched a weird, artsy movie together, we ate dinner, played Rockband, and then got ready for bed. I said this as we were lying down, side by side, reading our sci-fi novels.

"Yeah," Ben said, "I love us."

Thanks? I think?

2009-04-22T09:42:00.005-05:00

I was invited into a conversation yesterday about Miss America, and I felt inspired to write something about it.

Apparently Perez Hilton blogged after her answer on gay marriage that Miss California was a "dumb bitch", and Donald Trump stood behind his chosen judge by saying that the answer cost her the crown.

I was thrown off by this for many reasons.

First I was angered that Perez was invited to the Today show to discuss his point of view. Why are we acting as if this man has anything of interest to say? Why is he famous? For slandering others. I'm not sure where his high horse came from, but he ought to get off of it, if he has time, between stalking Zac Efron and drawing bodily fluids on Robert Pattison's face. The more we treat this man as if he is famous for SOMETHING worthwhile, as if he is the possessor of a great intellect and his opinion is something we ought to be clamoring for, the worse our lives will get. I then began a mental rant on how he was chosen as a JUDGE for Miss America. Of course it then occurred to me that the last time I actually watched a pageant David Hasselhoff and Meshach Taylor were judges. So I can't really be upset about the quality of judges because, let's all face it, they've never been people whose opinions are worth respecting. Why not just move the pageant over to the American Idol stage? Simon, Randy, drunk!Paula, and that other woman can be the judges. America seems to respect them, more than Perez I dare to believe.

I was momentarily distracted by the idea that the poor, nervous, possibly not bright woman ought to be entitled to her own opinions. It's true - it's a free country, and if you ask someone something, they can answer it any way they like, IN THEORY. I watched her answer, as posted below, and I thought hmm. Well the answer itself shouldn't have cost her the crown. What a shame that she's being judged for what she said and not how she said it...

Wait.

Are they really saying the answer itself determined who won or lost Miss America? As in they made judgments based on what she said? Like they listened and gave the crown to someone else, not because her chest was bigger or her hair was shinier or she had a nice butt? SINCE WHEN DOES INTERVIEW EVEN MATTER?? It's always been like talent, but even more meaningless.

Do I owe Perez Hilton my gratitude? It seems to me all this might have been a step in the right direction.

How disturbing.

So, um, Thanks... Perez... ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XMvviFbkf0

I am a sucker for...

2008-10-01T09:47:00.003-05:00

Mexican food

Ice Cream

Piano

Boys with black hair and blue eyes

Shoes

Gossip

Sephora

Awards Shows

Puppies

Paper

Books

String Quartets

Expression

"At least she's reading!"

2008-09-10T11:08:00.006-05:00

I hear this a lot. Actually, I started hearing that kind of statement a lot in 1998 regarding a little series of books based on a character named Harry. I didn't buy into it. Honestly, I kind of agreed - at least Rowling was getting kids reading, but the series wasn't my style. I wasn't impressed when I tried Sorcerer's Stone, and later was even less impressed by the "inventive" Chamber of Secrets. I gave up on them.

The phrase was often said to reporters and protesters with a smile and a shrug. As the Christian extremists began to protest, and Scholastic began referring to the book burning sessions as wizard tactics to distract Muggles, I began to grow tired of the sentence. "At least my child is reading." I don't think that's a very good excuse. If you actually read the books and found a part of them offensive to your faith and then shrugged, claiming at least they were reading, what is wrong with you? (By the way, if you actually READ the books, you would see that there is nothing offensive in them, but I'm sure being so terrified of the possibility of evil on the page doesn't actually give text more power, no not at all)

I did become a fan of the series, as most of you know, after the third book, where Rowling shows us the novels are released in a sort of backwards way, giving out pieces of the history puzzle so that you learn to love someone just as he is lost. (and then, at the end... yeah). But that's not the point.

The point is I'm hearing all this again. "At least my daughter's reading!" Oh really? How about you read one of these "GLORIOUS" Twilight novels and tell me what your daughter is actually learning? I don't care about vampires - read all you want about vampires, I do not believe they exist and people writing about them isn't going to bring them into creation - but the role of women in relationships, families, and society? Yeah, that one I care about.

Bella, as I understand from all the fans I know (and from reading what I could stand of the series - the first two and a half novels), is one of the most annoying, obnoxious, unlikable main characters in recent literary history. No one likes her. However, the dangerous part is that many, many girls want to BE her.

Bella is a charicature of everything insulting anyone has ever thought about young women or teenagers. She is a know-it-all, she has poor self-esteem (to an insulting point), she is focused solely on appearances, she is a risk-taker, she is SELFISH beyond belief, she is deceitful to her parents, she does not think ahead, she hates school, and she plays with people's hearts "unknowingly". This is the girl that gets to win in the end of the series - she gets everything she wants. Although I would never want what she wants, the fans do, and they are listening. This is what they hear: It is okay to do dangerous things so long as they get you the attention of the boy you like. It is okay to lead on boys who genuinely like you simply because they are around and you are bored. It is okay to go off by yourself with someone who says they want to kill you. It is okay to let your boyfriend sneak in the house without your father's knowledge. It is okay to let him sleep in your room because YOU understand that he will do you no harm - there is no way that your parents might know better. It is okay to lie to your parents and take trips with strangers for a boy. It is actually sweet if this boy is stalking you because that means that he really cares. It's okay to take an after-school job only to never show up for it.

It is fine to not go to college if you would rather be in love.

Yeah, that last one gets to me, too. I'll come back to it.

I'm sure I don't have to explain why these are terrible lessons to learn at an early age. I also want to point out that the adults who read this and don't balk are (I hope, simply) not seeing stereotypes akin to racism. Just because people are young, simply because they are teenagers, does not mean that they are dishonest idiots. Maturity does occur at different rates, due to different circumstances and pathologies.

So aside from the obviously offensive, let's talk about the parts women play in these novels - namely Bella, of course, since the novels are written from her point of view.

Bella is an only child of a ditzy, irresponsible mother and a gruff, distanced father. They are divorced, but since Bella's mother has just remarried, Bella no longer feels responsible for her and chooses to move in with her father in Washington state. Bella's mother could not function without a man in her life. Bella did not feel as if her mother could live alone or independant at any point, but once a man was present to care for the weak, powerless woman, Bella left to do something that counteracts that statement - take care of her father.

The difference there is that by 'taking care' of her father, Bella cooks dinner. She cleans the house and keeps things organized for Charlie. When she remembers worrying about her mother, Bella recalls times of financial hardship, her mother's forgetfulness, the complete irresponsibility and unpredictability in her household. Since (I want to say her name is Annie?) got married, that is no longer a concern. When Bella worries about Charlie, she worries that he isn't eating well, that he sits around watching football too much, and that he's not dating. A wife would take care of his problems, fix his dinners and all that - so he needs a wife.

Bella is an object for which Edward cares. He openly considers her thoughtless, weak, powerless, reactionary, and he verbally and physically states over and over that she needs to be sheltered. In their relationship, it is obvious that she is to stay home (somewhere safe) and care for the house (as she does for Charlie - Edward is impressed by these skills), while he ventures out into the world, gaining multiple degrees. Edward enjoys Bella's fragility, remarking many times with amusement about how he could end her life with one wrong move. He likes that she requires him to move quickly; he finds her clumsiness and humanity to both be cute. Bella is his property - so much so that he even sits in her room every night, watching her sleep. This is even illustrated more at the climax of the first book, when James attacks Bella because he knows she 'belongs' to Edward.

Jacob "loves" Nessie, and as such he is mentioned as always wanting to care for and protect her. She is his object, and we know this because he imprinted on her.

The only other female characters who are essential to plot are Alice, who has her own skills, but uses them to serve the men in her life. She also is understood to belong to Jasper. And Esme, who belongs to Carlisle and acts as the perfect home mother. She has no profession, but she cares for the house and for the family for which she is the matriarch. She is held up in very high regard by all the characters in the novels that know her, in particular for her 'sweetness' and 'kindness' as a mother.

Another main focus of women in the novel is marriage and babies. All of the female characters have paired up/desire to pair up with a man. For those characters who are over a hundred years old, this is completely understandable. For those who are sixteen, this is unacceptable. Although I recognize that many sixteen year olds believe they found the love of their lives at that age, and that some even make lasting relationships with that person, it is not realistic. Giving people that age hope that sometimes these relationships DO succeed is irresponsible.

Now this part of my rant is a little sketchy - I haven't read Breaking Dawn. I do understand that there is a lot of baby talk in it. Bella finds out Rosalie has always wanted a baby. As a woman, she feels incomplete without a child. Edward suggests that Bella not have the baby out of concern for her safety, but Bella would feel incomplete without a child. Bella MUST have his child because that's what people in love do. Despite the fact that it has always been a health risk for her to be with Edward, and now his child could kill her, she loves him and must marry him and have a child because that is what is necessary in a loving relationship.

Aside from the roles of the characters, Bella's relationship with Edward is terrifying, to say the least. Bella lives for him, ignores all of her schoolwork, her friendships, her family. She no longer communicates with her mother (who I guess can't be bothered to pick up a phone in all her 'worry' but relies on e-mails) and her father only worries if dinner isn't on the table when he comes home. The friends she does make are expected to understand when she dumps them for time with Edward (and amazingly they do). Edward watches Bella through her windows at all hours, and when she discovers this she invites him to sit in her room instead of outside so he can watch her sleep close-up. Bella cannot be bothered to worry about things such as a college education because Edward might not be there. Bella has no interests outside marrying Edward and having his children and being with him forever.

I understand that there are elements of the story which are positive - I think it's an interesting way to avoid the issue of premarital or underage sex - I just wish the morals were supported in some form or fashion so that the hero of the story did not possess ten negative traits for one positive...and the waiting on sex thing isn't her idea, just so you know. It's Edward's, because Edward is the man, therefore he is wise and smart and following the correct order. It is Bella's duty to follow Edward, the man in her life, as he follows a proper path.

Ugh. This wouldn't be so obvious to me, or so unappealing, if I did not know several people who subscribe to a certain branch of religion that promotes all of the above. I consistently see people who are abused and put down by their faith because it follows those guidelines. It makes me insane to watch it, and I don't agree with the promotion of it - any of it. From the obvious distaste for young women (as shown by the depiction of Bella) to the promotion of goals for women (no college, just marriage or college as a path toward marriage - men you can go travel for a while in between), I have seen it time and again and I do not appreciate a guidebook being published and hawked to girls like my little sister, who only see it as a love story.

Sorry for the length of the rant, but someone set me off early today. Join me next time when my topic will either be:

Sarah Palin: An Experiment in America's Sexism

or

Clique - Were Girls' Books This Evil When I Was Young?

It's not where, but who you're with that really matters

2008-08-20T09:13:00.003-05:00

I was sad to learn that LeRoi Moore died yesterday. LeRoi was the founding saxophone player in Dave Matthews Band, and while I may be loud about not liking their new stuff, I cannot deny that what he did in the past was impressive and outstanding. I cannot imagine the band or its sound will ever be the same.

LeRoi always wore sunglasses because he had paralyzing stage fright. He met Dave when Dave was bartending in Charlottesville. He was 46 years old.

I plan to listen to some of my favorite DMB stuff, particularly some bootlegs with saxophone solos that ranged anywhere from "Lucy and Linus" to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".

The greatest thing about these guys is that individually AND collectively they are incredible musicians with amazing improv abilities. He'll be missed.

Literature

2008-08-18T09:02:00.003-05:00

I read a book Sunday that has left me in a low mood. It's called Never Let Me Go by Kazua Ishiguro. Obviously the novel was good or I couldn't have read it in a little over a day, but it was heartbreaking, and I'm a little surprised at the mental state in which it has left me. It's hard to read about people in a kind of darker mirror. That is, maybe the story was so disturbing because it is completely feasible to me, and yet I say I would never permit it. I'm sure there were people who said they would never permit slavery, too. It is very similar, though the kids in this story could easily have just left and taken up different lives - they basically would have fit in pre-donation - but they never considered it. They were raised not to consider it. They did what they were supposed to do, and in some way were proud of it.

Good, disturbing, well-written... definitely has left me cold.

The Movie Question

2008-08-06T20:38:00.006-05:00

I was recently asked to divulge what I consider to be the ten - fifteen best movies ever made. Movies I cannot live without. The girl with multiple shelves of movies finds this hard to imagine, yet if Courtney can do it, so can i! I think. So I am going to go through the thinking process of this.

The considerations: All the classics - movies I watched in Film as Lit, or even just at home on a Friday night that left me in chills, tears, or smiles. The Godfather, Titanic, Gone with the Wind, Forrest Gump, Pride & Prejudice, the Matrix...

The parts of my life: movies that are part of me, things I can quote daily if I need to - Clueless, Star Wars (IV-VI), Back to the Future, Bridget Jones' Diary, Miracle on 34th Street, Princess Bride

The guilty pleasures: Shrek 2, Enchanted, The Cutting Edge, and oh, Lord, the musicals.

As you can tell, this is very, very difficult for me... but I think I've got it down.

(in no particular order)

Movies that I cannot live without:

Love, Actually: This is a movie I adore, aside from its various imperfections, because I think this movie somehow contains the most wonderful depictions of many kinds of love. I may not agree with or understand it all, but the stories I do understand warm me. Maybe it's my life history in airports, but I just have this thing about them and the way the movie opens makes me tear up. Also, the soundtrack is brilliant, even given that horrible, ugly splice of two Maroon 5 songs. It's a really great Christmas movie with some unnecessary nudity. What a sentence.

Star Wars IV: A New Hope: I don't know if many people understand why or how much I really love this movie, but it's more what the movie is to me than the movie itself. Somehow a sci-fi type movie from the 70s was made and it doesn't look hideously out of date - even now. Think about other competitors like Tron and how horrible they look these days. The story is brilliant in this first edition, as we get to know Luke the whiny kid we can all understand. We're introduced to royals, magic, love, pirates, and spirituality. This movie gave me a true understanding of good vs. evil - before things become convoluted by lust, family, and ewoks. I learned that there is power beyond us, some that can be used for good and some for evil, and I learned that love exists beyond all boundaries, even if we're the only ones who can hear the voices guiding us. My heart still warms when I see Luke staring at the two suns of Tatooine and I hear the music that is his theme: this was the beginning of adventure to me when I was young and now it gives me that feeling of standing alone, young, eager for excitement and having no clue what was coming. He's a symbol of innocence, and no matter how they try to break him, Luke ends the film as the farm boy who shot womp rats in Beggar's Canyon back home.

West Side Story: This movie is everything I love about musicals. It's a tried and true story, combined with beautiful music, brilliant Sondheim lyrics, and wonderful - if often amusing - choreography. When I was younger I wanted to feel pretty, meet a perfect boy at a dance, and get married as I sang first soprano parts that I would never be able to hit. It's romantic and it's tragic - it's everything the inner-teenaged girl adores. More than that it is a time-appropriate revision of Romeo & Juliet, told in a way that was new to that generation, teaching a lesson that we have never wanted to learn.

Field of Dreams: I don't have a lot of words to describe this movie or why I love it, but haven't you ever just had a dream? Haven't you wanted something so badly that it actually keeps you awake at night and you can almost hear someone or something telling you to follow it? This story breaks my heart and builds me up at the same time. When all is said and done, sometimes there is nothing more in this world to want but a little time with that person and that thing, both of which made you who you are.

Signs: While I'm tearing up thinking of special movies, I think I should go ahead and talk about Signs, a movie that gets me teased on every top ten list I make that includes it. The truth is, I believe the internal story this movie is telling. I love the interactions between father and son, God and father. Aliens aside, this is a love story about a man whose death of faith was more damaging than the death of his wife. I do think one man, a man who inspired so many and could inspire so many more, is worth the 'damage' done. There is a plan, there is an endless circle of events, and for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. ...and some stupid biological rule about water.

Forrest Gump: This movie is just awesome. I'm smiling, thinking about it, but it's not completely happy. It's the everyman story that we all wish we had, and yet none of us would envy Forrest his position in life. One of the things that sticks out the most in this movie, aside from the amazing soundtrack, special effects, Academy Award worthy Gary Sinise performance, and the deeply moving love story, is the fact that while we, as Americans, are always willing to accept the death of people we respect for "no particular reason", as Forrest says, he could not get anyone to understand his simple act of running for "no particular reason". In fact, he just felt like it. It's amazing to think of all the little things we do in life that really mean so much to others, when to us it's just something we feel like doing. We each have a very burdensome responsibility in this world, whether we want it or not.

The Big Chill: I almost forgot this movie and replaced The Princess Bride with it. I do love The Princess Bride, but it's simply brilliant. The Big Chill is much more. Again, the acting is a huge part of this film, but more than that, it's something I loved as a teenager and didn't understand until I was out of college a few years. I watched this movie with someone who had experienced suicide personally, and I was never so thankful to share a movie moment with someone. Sounds like a downer, really, and there are rough moments, but there is so much humor and cleverness, and LOVE. Above all, this film is filled with love, and I don't think I've ever cried in it, even for a minute. That's a compliment.

Miracle on 34th Street: I love Christmas. How could I not? Have you MET my mother? :) This story, though, above all, is my favorite because it not only teaches us lessons about faith and believing in someone or something, it reminds us that even when you're not focusing on the religious aspect of the holiday, the love of that still exists. It's a great movie that beats cynicism, old-age, and commercialism while reminding us that magic can be real, just like love.

Pride & Prejudice (2005): Hands down, the most romantic movie I have ever, ever seen. I knew the story like the back of my hand when I saw it, and yet as Lizzie walked through Neverfield Park and Mr. Darcy appeared behind her, my stomach sank. The casting was pitch-perfect, the direction was beautiful. As a love/hate fan of Victorian England, I found myself wanting to just worship Joe Wright for Getting.It.Right. He lets Charlotte explain her position, he offers us the servants, he uses England perfectly, he shows us the pain of mistakes and lack of woman's position and authority. Kiera Knightly was incredible, Matthew McFayden was (in the word of Ben) a badass, Simon Woods was precious, Rosamunde Pike was radiant, and Donald Sutherland should've gotten a nomination.

Little Miss Sunshine: I saw this movie in the theatres, unsure of what to expect. I'm close to my family; I have a million and one memories of my brother and me in cars and on airplanes, keeping each other company during rough times. I love Olive and her brother because I see Stephen and me in them. (That's another reason I love Signs, by the way). I also love the compounded situation, the way everyone has to accept everyone else. It's funny, but I always cry, and there's nothing better than the last fifteen minutes of this film. PS I would marry Steve Carrell, and I think Ben would let me.

So what about you? What do you consider the top ten in your life?

for fun: my runners up
The Matrix - SO biblical in its first incarnation that I would've bet money Agent Smith hit Neo 39 times in the subway after the first time i saw it
American Beauty - Zen.
Equilibrium - censorship and idealism are not a good combination
V for Vendetta - appropriate and terrifying that it's appropriate for more than one time period (you mean that guy ISN'T supposed to be Bill O'Reilly?!)
Shakespeare in Love - BRILLIANT
Good Will Hunting - i love it so, so much.
When Harry Met Sally - I learned SO much from this movie... and i laugh when i think about it
Romeo & Juliet (1968) - beautiful
Moulin Rouge - i suppose this might be what taking acid is like... only not dangerous...really

multiple topics

2008-08-04T09:18:00.009-05:00

I've been working almost non-stop on my thesis chapter all weekend, despite the laptop's refusal to work properly. Karen let me borrow her older one, which was lovely, and i was able to accomplish some work. Good thing because it's all due today.

Because I finished it (mostly) and I had a little breakdown, Ben took me to dinner at Sweet Tomatoes (one of my favorite places - all salad, all the time), and although we were going to go to the movies, my contact ripped and we opted to rent something at Blockbuster instead. We watched Penelope, which I think any "tween"-aged girl would LOVE. It is a fun movie with really cute components, not the least of which were: A) James McAvoy and B) Christina's clothing.
without the feathers, I really loved that dress.
her shoes!!!

I was sharply reminded this weekend that I do not like when people speak for me. Not only is there the risk of them being 100% wrong, but the absolute presumption that you know anything about how my mind works or my motivation. How dare you. I do not like when people manipulate and hurt others purposefully, especially when you are in a position to have done enough psychological work on yourself to know what you are doing. You knew exactly what you were doing, what you were saying, and how much it would hurt. Again, I say, how dare you.

Finally, there are people in my life that I don't call, don't really write emails to, and only see when I'm around certain groups, but to suddenly lose someone's presence has been a very difficult shock. Joe was a really good guy, a sweet man with a great mind and a big heart. He always made me laugh, especially when he wore the Firefly hat. It's going to be hard to not see him anymore. My heart goes out to his very close friends, especially Josh, and those who will miss his absence in their lives more than a few times a year - these are the people that will miss him every day. More than a few of these people are the children in need of adoption and foster care at DePelchin. I just learned he volunteered there for many years. The world is going to miss such a good, strong Christian. He gave us a good name, but we know he is in a better place now.

a long and dark December

2008-07-30T14:36:00.001-05:00

I was reading an interview with Chris Martin in Rolling Stone today and while I usually have found him to be arrogant and insane, I laughed at this quote:

On "Death and All His Friends," there's this great topical line: "I don't want a cycle of recycled revenge."

That's Brian Eno's line. I had this blank spot in the lyrics: "I don't want to battle from beginning to end. Something, something, something. I don't want to follow death and all of his friends." So we were all having a sandwich, and it's like, "I don't want to watch too many episodes of Friends? No, that won't do. I don't want to listen to Radiohead's The Bends? No. I don't want to eat any Jerry and Ben's? No." And then Brian came out with the line, and he was like, "I quite like that. You should use that."

i don't care what everyone else may say

2008-07-24T13:51:00.003-05:00

Mr. Rochester's loss of his left hand is just SO NOT symbolic of castration. That is so... time-period MALE. So thanks for typing your post-WWII analysis as your wife brings you coffee in her pearls, Mr. Chase, but I'm afraid Charlotte Bronte might have actually written that to make things more about the female character, you know, the MAIN ONE, Jane? Yeah, her.

my new favorite things ever

2008-07-24T11:53:00.002-05:00

I put them in my lunch kit so they sit in the fridge for about four hours. Then I eat them as dessert and I swear if they came in a bigger bag, I would weigh 500 pounds. They.are.so.freaking.good.

PS - do not tell me if they come in a bigger bag. I do not want to know.

moms can always be worse

2008-07-24T09:04:00.002-05:00

I consider myself very lucky because I really love my mother. She's a good person, she has a big heart, she gives good advice, and makes great spaghetti. She's a born mother - really good at that job - and tends to mother anyone who needs it. I know a couple of people who have benefitted/continue to benefit from her being around when their own mothers were/are not very good.

Having my mother as a mother also has given me the opportunity to become a snob about mothers, even though I have no children of my own. It's horrible. I'm not sure I'd be that great a mother, but I can't help but think of all the good things I've learned from mom, if not as a mom, as a teacher. I have friends that are amazing mothers to their children, and I admire it, but when I walk through a store and a five year old is using a pacifier, or a seven year old is climbing shelves and screaming, I think I could do better than them. It's very arrogant.

Still, despite the "bad" mothers I believe I have witnessed, it can always be worse, as illustrated by the drama Christian Bale is going through. Thank God I don't know any mothers as bad as that. No wonder he's crazy.

And this last bit is my theory (which makes me a little crazy, too). Everyone is coming out with these statements made by him or other actors he's worked with about his intensity and how serious and into character he is all the time. Then they're saying how cold he's been in interviews, kind of harsh, not really warm or friendly. So no one even WANTS to put this together? The guy currently thinks he's John Connor, living during a war that he believes he will lose, in a post-apocolyptic world of misery, raised to believe he will be the savior of it all. OF COURSE he's grumpy and cold and harsh. and crazy. don't forget the crazy.

You might want to insert yawn here.

2008-07-22T13:20:00.006-05:00

I'm not writing exactly what I'd originally planned. My advisor really only wants something like a "chapter two" to my first paper, though I believe this one will become chapter one. There will probably be lots of snips of work here and there - ignore if you find it boring :) it's really good for me to see it all typed out somewhere.

As seen in two of the era's most predominant novels, Sense & Sensibility and Jane Eyre, male characters were most often depicted through the eyes of a female. In particular Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte were careful to keep the conscience of their 'sensation' novels confined to the voice of a main female character. Bronte, for example, used an older, wiser Jane to tell her story in a style much like one would expect from a personal journal entry. And while she never clearly identifies Elinor as the narrator, Austen allows the eldest Dashwood sister to offer the reader a clear view of their life, as well as the harsh realities of its lessons.

Austen uses Elinor to show the reader (the reader of her time, naturally, being under-educated young women on the brink of making a marital decision) that a woman can be completely socially acceptable and still be intelligent and free-thinking. She spends a great deal of time showing us that if you openly follow the rules of a society in which you are trapped, you will find success in your private life. As the old saying goes - the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I think there's a Japanese version of that saying that is something like 'the crooked nail gets the hammer'. Yeah, that's what Victorian England was like - no one wanted to stand out because you could really suffer for it.
Elinor spends a GREAT deal of time silently judging the people in her world. Because we're allowed into her head, we see that she really doesn't understand people who seem to live lives based on passion. She sees only the negatives of reacting without forethought. In fact, the amount of forethought that Elinor allows to herself leads us to believe Austen found women like Elinor to be very smart, and very worthy of a happy ending with a wealthy, adoring man. However, I'm now wondering about the value of judgment. One critic I recently read compared judgement to imagination and creation. She stated that the subjectivity of judgment is similar to that of creating an idea in your head.
So I wonder, if any of you are up to answering it, do you think judging someone (accepting the filters of what you believe are fact and your bias) is on the same level as a day-dream world you invent in your imagination? Do the conclusions contain the same value?

Into the world of blog

2008-07-21T13:00:00.008-05:00

So I finally joined the world of blogs. I'm pretty excited, even though most of the time I'm not sure what to write about. I guess I'll just go with what's on my mind at the time.

Currently in life, I'm just trying to settle down. I just recently moved, and while I love my townhouse, I really don't like unpacking. I figured out why I love packing so much more - and I always have. I really like the consolidation and organization of packing, whether it's for a trip or for a new house. I'm much happier when an item has a determined home (i.e. a box) and I can put it there, and in putting it there I reduce mess. I am less happy when I open a box, and there is so much in it that never had a home to begin with, and each thing expects to have a home even though you don't even know where the basics go yet!

Ben is the opposite. He likes opening boxes and stocking shelves with things and rediscovering old items. I'm lucky he's there to do that for me with a smile on his face.

Elise came over Friday and helped me put the guest bedroom together, and Courtney came over Saturday and I let her OCD take over. She was tearing boxes apart, arranging PS2 games, and helping me make the living room feel like home. I was able to take yesterday for the closet and armoire, and it's very exciting to have an armoire. I like it. Ben gave me the use of that in the closet and I gave him the bedroom dresser. Of course there are my two dressers in the guest room which will be used for winter clothes and scrapbook/card-making stuff.

Chanel is getting used to her new place, happy that food bowls are in two different rooms. She has actually become lazy enough to want to eat under the stairs when I am in the kitchen because it's closer than the foyer! Of course I encourage this because we want under the stairs to become her home when we're gone, giving her space to sleep and a door she can't destroy.

The little house is starting to feel like home, and it's really nice to not have to do all the mental shuffling that I was doing when I had to choose between dinner with friends or dinner with Ben, and trying to find time to see him for an hour every other day was really hard. It's so wonderful that he's here in Houston, and with me, and I can see him any time I want! We even see my friends and go on dates!

Speaking of, we hit a midnight screening of Dark Knight (a gift for my birthday), and it really is everything the critics say it is. I was impressed. I do believe it's the best comic book movie ever made. Of course, I'm drawn to comic book movies that make the stories believable and realistic, leaving no questions in mind as to how certain things are possible. This is where the Tim Burton movies failed me, even though they set up precedent and we would not be where we are now without them. Heath Ledger was terrifying, and I wish there were more scenes where he and Bale could face off. Both such amazing method actors. And I can say it's the best even though Watchmen hasn't come out yet. The trailer is attached to Dark Knight (as is the new Terminator movie - how glorious is it that Bale is John Connor???!). It impressed me.

I should begin school work now, though, because I have let it go and I very much need to kick into gear.