I am moving blogs. I am no longer Tripelll, though I am OFFICIALLY an LT. You win some, you lose some :)
Come follow me at http://girldeconstructed.posterous.com/
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Revolutionary, indeed.
I have been completely taken in by Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. When I first heard of this show, I turned up my nose. After all, haven't we been sucked into watching something like this before? From game shows where money is the motivator to even the forty-five second commercials concerning the glorious (and unrealistic) evolutions of Marie Osmond and Valerie Bertinelli, our world is filled with the promise that Skinny will bring Smiles. In one of the fattest cities of our great, fat nation, I carry more weight than I should, and yes, when I hear promises of quick weight loss and miracle makeovers, my head turns. I have to admit to being full of cynicism, though, knowing that pills and plans don't do the work I wish they could. However, on my quest to give myself a chance, and to revise my evaluations of the world around me, I have learned about the glory of educated choices, and the power of controlling my life. Instead of yelling and screaming at contestants and viewers about their fat faults, or pointing and laughing, I think Jamie Oliver's show is trying to teach. What a revolutionary concept.
Typically, I am not a fan of weight-centric shows. Having suffered with weight issues throughout my life, I can safely say that having Jillian Michaels screaming in my face will do nothing for me. Cruelty does not grant success. It's no secret that weight issues and self-esteem are linked. While doing some research for this post, I found countless articles filled with experiments or social commentary about the effect of self-esteem on weight and vice versa. One study in China, where 'thin' has taken on a brand new meaning due to Western exposure, shows that even the perception of fat can alter personality, mood, and behavior. Chinese teens who believed themselves to be overweight saw dramatic decreases in grades, school participation, and socializing.
Bin Xie, the associate professor at USC who documented this study, said, "The major point here is that misperception has an important impact on academic performance and a person’s psychological experience." Whether or not these students were actually normal weight did not matter; what they were told about themselves, as well as what they believed, negatively affected their motivation.
It also cannot be healthy to propagate the mindset that overweight people belong in a class of their own. Shows such as "Dance Your Ass Off" or "More to Love" are simply excuses to reinstate carnival freak shows from days gone by. Considering one was an experiment to prove that fat people can still dance, while the other maintains that only fat people can date fat people (and fat people would only want to date fat people), I have to wonder. Does the general public think people don't realize they're overweight? I believe the consensus is that those with weight issues can be teased because, unlike race, being overweight is a 'choice'.
Without delving into what society deems "fat" and "thin", Jamie Oliver is attacking the ignorance factor. It is probably true that the majority of parents have no idea what their kids eat for lunch. Somehow I managed to make it through at least two years of high school eating a bag of chips for lunch every day. Surely if my mom had any clue she would've suggested something a little healthier. But my mother has always been someone who cooks, so despite what damage I may do to myself between 8am - 4pm, there would be vegetables on the table at night. Her schedule and her sense of priority allowed for that.
Oliver appeals to the sense of priority bit. He understands lack of schedule, working multiple jobs, and the fact that a lot of people simply do not know what to do anymore. Fast food is cheap and easy, and most kids like it. Beyond that, I see those who were raised on prepackaged foods suffering as adults, wondering how they're not losing weight when they eat restaurant salads, or heat foods up in the microwave for every meal. It is rare to find someone in our society with a very clear picture of the caloric value of foods. Additionally, finding people who comprehend what is IN the food they eat seems even more difficult.
A study performed by the University of Deleware shows an increase in organic food demand of about 20% since 2003, as well as a 70% increase in genetically modified foods. When faced with the term, consumers posed all sorts of concerned queries for researchers about what genetically modified means, what health concerns follow it, and how it affects the environment. What I find fascinating is the designation between organic and genetically modified. Basically, no matter how it is grown, produced, harvested, or treated, genetically modified food cannot be considered organic. The only way to avoid any sort of genetic modification in your food is to buy something labeled organic, which, at least in Houston, means it costs as much as $3.00 more at times. I completely understand how that is not an option for families, especially in our current economy. Purchasing a five dollar head of lettuce that your child won't eat anyway definitely feels wasteful.
Again I point toward Oliver's suggestions. In his kitchen, a restaurant-type business that he's set up in West Virginia where he teaches people how to cook, Jamie preaches the gospel of frozen foods instead of cans. He shows teenagers that putting two veggies and a chicken breast in a pan makes a meal. Parents learn options that make vegetables taste good to their kids, and even though I didn't realize it, it seems that giving the kids a job in the kitchen often makes them feel included, making the final result more receptive children at the table. Yes, it is also best if we clean off our tables and use them for eating again. That will be a big challenge for me.
I suppose I gravitate toward this show because my house is undergoing its own nutritional revolution. I know that I really respect and appreciate the way he handles the people he's teaching. He doesn't talk down to anyone, but listens intently to their frustrations and fears. He counters all the obstacles thrown in his path with logical statements, reasonable options, and instead of hoping people figure it out for themselves, he provides reasonable assistance. Not once does he lock the overweight family in a compound filled with "nice" and "naughty" cabinets, supplied with all the sugary, addictive foods that caused the problems in the first place. THAT type of behavior shows complete ignorance, believing the solution to weight problems is to simply stop eating.
Biggest Loser season 4 winner Bill Germanakos said last January, “I’m a morbidly obese person in a fit body. I’m hungry all the time. Every day is a struggle.” Meanwhile season three's Eric Chopin regained 122 pounds after his win. Season one champion Ryan Benson gained thirty pounds immediately following the contest simply by re-hydrating. Obviously competition, money, and ridicule are not motivation, which indicates that there is more here than a problem with willpower.
Jamie Oliver is teaching more than nutrition, and he's opening our eyes to more than what is offered in the school cafeteria. If the consistent and unhealthy loss of weight is considered a disease worthy of patience, therapy and understanding, perhaps we really do need to wake up. Oliver is teaching the country that the consistent and unhealthy gain of weight is a disease that encompasses the body, mind, and soul. He is finding sympathy, patience, and understanding for those who need it desperately - those being ridiculed in the corner.
Typically, I am not a fan of weight-centric shows. Having suffered with weight issues throughout my life, I can safely say that having Jillian Michaels screaming in my face will do nothing for me. Cruelty does not grant success. It's no secret that weight issues and self-esteem are linked. While doing some research for this post, I found countless articles filled with experiments or social commentary about the effect of self-esteem on weight and vice versa. One study in China, where 'thin' has taken on a brand new meaning due to Western exposure, shows that even the perception of fat can alter personality, mood, and behavior. Chinese teens who believed themselves to be overweight saw dramatic decreases in grades, school participation, and socializing.
Bin Xie, the associate professor at USC who documented this study, said, "The major point here is that misperception has an important impact on academic performance and a person’s psychological experience." Whether or not these students were actually normal weight did not matter; what they were told about themselves, as well as what they believed, negatively affected their motivation.
It also cannot be healthy to propagate the mindset that overweight people belong in a class of their own. Shows such as "Dance Your Ass Off" or "More to Love" are simply excuses to reinstate carnival freak shows from days gone by. Considering one was an experiment to prove that fat people can still dance, while the other maintains that only fat people can date fat people (and fat people would only want to date fat people), I have to wonder. Does the general public think people don't realize they're overweight? I believe the consensus is that those with weight issues can be teased because, unlike race, being overweight is a 'choice'.
Without delving into what society deems "fat" and "thin", Jamie Oliver is attacking the ignorance factor. It is probably true that the majority of parents have no idea what their kids eat for lunch. Somehow I managed to make it through at least two years of high school eating a bag of chips for lunch every day. Surely if my mom had any clue she would've suggested something a little healthier. But my mother has always been someone who cooks, so despite what damage I may do to myself between 8am - 4pm, there would be vegetables on the table at night. Her schedule and her sense of priority allowed for that.
Oliver appeals to the sense of priority bit. He understands lack of schedule, working multiple jobs, and the fact that a lot of people simply do not know what to do anymore. Fast food is cheap and easy, and most kids like it. Beyond that, I see those who were raised on prepackaged foods suffering as adults, wondering how they're not losing weight when they eat restaurant salads, or heat foods up in the microwave for every meal. It is rare to find someone in our society with a very clear picture of the caloric value of foods. Additionally, finding people who comprehend what is IN the food they eat seems even more difficult.
A study performed by the University of Deleware shows an increase in organic food demand of about 20% since 2003, as well as a 70% increase in genetically modified foods. When faced with the term, consumers posed all sorts of concerned queries for researchers about what genetically modified means, what health concerns follow it, and how it affects the environment. What I find fascinating is the designation between organic and genetically modified. Basically, no matter how it is grown, produced, harvested, or treated, genetically modified food cannot be considered organic. The only way to avoid any sort of genetic modification in your food is to buy something labeled organic, which, at least in Houston, means it costs as much as $3.00 more at times. I completely understand how that is not an option for families, especially in our current economy. Purchasing a five dollar head of lettuce that your child won't eat anyway definitely feels wasteful.
Again I point toward Oliver's suggestions. In his kitchen, a restaurant-type business that he's set up in West Virginia where he teaches people how to cook, Jamie preaches the gospel of frozen foods instead of cans. He shows teenagers that putting two veggies and a chicken breast in a pan makes a meal. Parents learn options that make vegetables taste good to their kids, and even though I didn't realize it, it seems that giving the kids a job in the kitchen often makes them feel included, making the final result more receptive children at the table. Yes, it is also best if we clean off our tables and use them for eating again. That will be a big challenge for me.
I suppose I gravitate toward this show because my house is undergoing its own nutritional revolution. I know that I really respect and appreciate the way he handles the people he's teaching. He doesn't talk down to anyone, but listens intently to their frustrations and fears. He counters all the obstacles thrown in his path with logical statements, reasonable options, and instead of hoping people figure it out for themselves, he provides reasonable assistance. Not once does he lock the overweight family in a compound filled with "nice" and "naughty" cabinets, supplied with all the sugary, addictive foods that caused the problems in the first place. THAT type of behavior shows complete ignorance, believing the solution to weight problems is to simply stop eating.
Biggest Loser season 4 winner Bill Germanakos said last January, “I’m a morbidly obese person in a fit body. I’m hungry all the time. Every day is a struggle.” Meanwhile season three's Eric Chopin regained 122 pounds after his win. Season one champion Ryan Benson gained thirty pounds immediately following the contest simply by re-hydrating. Obviously competition, money, and ridicule are not motivation, which indicates that there is more here than a problem with willpower.
Jamie Oliver is teaching more than nutrition, and he's opening our eyes to more than what is offered in the school cafeteria. If the consistent and unhealthy loss of weight is considered a disease worthy of patience, therapy and understanding, perhaps we really do need to wake up. Oliver is teaching the country that the consistent and unhealthy gain of weight is a disease that encompasses the body, mind, and soul. He is finding sympathy, patience, and understanding for those who need it desperately - those being ridiculed in the corner.
Monday, April 5, 2010
A New Tradition
Ben and I decided that our Easter weekend tradition will be an annual watching of the Original Trilogy. Yes, I capitalized that for a reason. While watching, I was once again blown away by two points:
1) What an exceptional character Leia is, particularly for the genre (Sci-Fi, and yes, that is a blanket statement, but for the non-sci-fi obsessed like me, there seems to be an abundance of sexist male and sexualized female characters that surface in the mainstream)
2) How is it there are still people out there that do not like Star Wars? They do not wish to see it, shrug, say 'Meh' when it's brought up. What is wrong with these people?
1) What an exceptional character Leia is, particularly for the genre (Sci-Fi, and yes, that is a blanket statement, but for the non-sci-fi obsessed like me, there seems to be an abundance of sexist male and sexualized female characters that surface in the mainstream)
2) How is it there are still people out there that do not like Star Wars? They do not wish to see it, shrug, say 'Meh' when it's brought up. What is wrong with these people?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Magic & Corsets
I am nearly finished with the final novel in the Gemma Doyle Trilogy by Libba Bray. They are fascinating, easy to read, and a definite step up from a lot of the other Young Adult / Teen lit. that is available today.
My one complaint with the series is the fact that so much is told, not shown. Libba Bray stated in an interview I read recently that she is a trained playwright, and she was a theater major in college. I think this shows up quite often in her work, as we are taken time and time again to a magic world, The Realms, and I still have not established a clear mental image of what it is like there. I read time and time again that it is more beautiful than I can imagine, a green meadow where their footsteps create bright red flowers; the trees droop with the weight of heavy fruit, but like the pomegranate trees in Hades' lair, it is temptation only to keep you anchored in that world.
I spent quite a bit of time studying Persephone's tale as I wrote about Demeter in grad. school, and what I find most interesting about Bray's temptation fruit is that it is not necessarily a fruit of any kind of knowledge. It also does not seem to be symbolic of any particular growth, development, or choice. It's delightful, it appears to be delicious, it's definitely ripe - so its purpose is to lure you and keep you, though the rules of the novel state one cannot be kept in the Realms. It's an odd comparison, one that could not be more purposeful, and yet I think it was a careless choice. Symbolic for the purpose of symbolism.
Aside from this, my time spent on Victorian Literature (specifically on the world of the Victorian female) has created in me a love for this series of books. Bray has done her research on the life and times of Victorian teen-aged girls from every station. Their issues develop as the books do, so that we are not only faced with situations such as interracial love interests, inter-class mingling, and being cast out of the "In" crowd, but so much more. Bray touches on cutting, weight issues, various abuses, dating, and she has a very special way of making all of these conditions time appropriate, yet easy to relate to for any girl. I was most impressed with how she wrote about a character who was being forced into marriage. The story is nothing new (see Titanic, etc.), but Bray writes it in a way that is fresh, with a new understanding and perspective.
Most appreciated of all, though, is the natural maturation and evolution of Gemma, Felicity, and Ann. In the first novel they are fifteen and sixteen, still in finishing school, still acting girlishly whenever possible, but being forced into the mold of 'woman' and 'lady'. They are being prepared for what their lives will hold. Two of them look forward to coming out seasons, making good marriages, and one feels the pressure of being penniless and orphaned with no choices. By the third book, their experiences have altered them greatly, and they are much older in action and thought. I appreciate this - it shows a respect for teenagers that I think is lacking in many of the most popular YA books available (ahem, TWILIGHT).
All in all, I enjoyed these books, read them very quickly, and will probably read more of Bray's work. She's creative and smart, and her writing shows it.
My one complaint with the series is the fact that so much is told, not shown. Libba Bray stated in an interview I read recently that she is a trained playwright, and she was a theater major in college. I think this shows up quite often in her work, as we are taken time and time again to a magic world, The Realms, and I still have not established a clear mental image of what it is like there. I read time and time again that it is more beautiful than I can imagine, a green meadow where their footsteps create bright red flowers; the trees droop with the weight of heavy fruit, but like the pomegranate trees in Hades' lair, it is temptation only to keep you anchored in that world.
I spent quite a bit of time studying Persephone's tale as I wrote about Demeter in grad. school, and what I find most interesting about Bray's temptation fruit is that it is not necessarily a fruit of any kind of knowledge. It also does not seem to be symbolic of any particular growth, development, or choice. It's delightful, it appears to be delicious, it's definitely ripe - so its purpose is to lure you and keep you, though the rules of the novel state one cannot be kept in the Realms. It's an odd comparison, one that could not be more purposeful, and yet I think it was a careless choice. Symbolic for the purpose of symbolism.
Aside from this, my time spent on Victorian Literature (specifically on the world of the Victorian female) has created in me a love for this series of books. Bray has done her research on the life and times of Victorian teen-aged girls from every station. Their issues develop as the books do, so that we are not only faced with situations such as interracial love interests, inter-class mingling, and being cast out of the "In" crowd, but so much more. Bray touches on cutting, weight issues, various abuses, dating, and she has a very special way of making all of these conditions time appropriate, yet easy to relate to for any girl. I was most impressed with how she wrote about a character who was being forced into marriage. The story is nothing new (see Titanic, etc.), but Bray writes it in a way that is fresh, with a new understanding and perspective.
Most appreciated of all, though, is the natural maturation and evolution of Gemma, Felicity, and Ann. In the first novel they are fifteen and sixteen, still in finishing school, still acting girlishly whenever possible, but being forced into the mold of 'woman' and 'lady'. They are being prepared for what their lives will hold. Two of them look forward to coming out seasons, making good marriages, and one feels the pressure of being penniless and orphaned with no choices. By the third book, their experiences have altered them greatly, and they are much older in action and thought. I appreciate this - it shows a respect for teenagers that I think is lacking in many of the most popular YA books available (ahem, TWILIGHT).
All in all, I enjoyed these books, read them very quickly, and will probably read more of Bray's work. She's creative and smart, and her writing shows it.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The Progress of My Newest Start
Good Morning!
It's been a couple months, time that I've given myself to see if I'm going to be true to my word. So far I've done very well with my resolution, always keeping the future in mind. That is my update (because I don't want to get into numbers and things).
I spent some time reading old blog entries and I really do miss school. It kept my brain active. So I am going to try to do more scholastic reading and writing, as well as the normal everyday update stuff.
Normal, Everyday Update Stuff -
Ben and I are doing very well. We have found a home for most of our amazing and wonderful wedding gifts, and we have almost all of our pictures from the photographer and our friends! I should have blogged more throughout the wedding process, explaining in detail things that I would've appreciated knowing. For example, women are still each other's number one enemy. For whatever reason, bringing up a wedding means women will tell you their divorce horror stories. They will glare at you as you register for the same dishes they registered for, and yes, if their cute nametag says BRIDE at the Expo, watch out. PS. If anyone is wearing a tiara and veil prior to the actual day of the wedding, move out the way. That's all I'm saying.
Reading -
I am currently reading Libba Bray's A Great and Terrible Beauty. I recognize that should I ever get my writing going, it will no doubt be for Young Adults, so I am reading more recognized YA stuff these days. That category offers me the most irritation, while at the same time the most possibility. It's one of those things - if you don't like what's out there, why just sit around and complain about it? A critic should at least attempt to correct what she finds so odious out in the world.
Anyway, the book is actually quite interesting, even if I feel it is a Supernatural Victorian Female version of Dead Poets' Society. I see on IMDB that it is already going to be a movie. No cast announced. God save us from Emma Watson, PLEASE.
I went to see The Ghostwriter with Ben and we ended the night deciding that we will join Netflix again, and we will begin a routine of renting films we can discuss on a deeper level. He was struck by my excitement about one of the scenes in Ghostwriter (it very clearly mirrored another Polanski film, Chinatown), and we decided to start film analysis. We tried with books but our tastes are so different... I'm still trying to read his recommendation.
It's been a couple months, time that I've given myself to see if I'm going to be true to my word. So far I've done very well with my resolution, always keeping the future in mind. That is my update (because I don't want to get into numbers and things).
I spent some time reading old blog entries and I really do miss school. It kept my brain active. So I am going to try to do more scholastic reading and writing, as well as the normal everyday update stuff.
Normal, Everyday Update Stuff -
Ben and I are doing very well. We have found a home for most of our amazing and wonderful wedding gifts, and we have almost all of our pictures from the photographer and our friends! I should have blogged more throughout the wedding process, explaining in detail things that I would've appreciated knowing. For example, women are still each other's number one enemy. For whatever reason, bringing up a wedding means women will tell you their divorce horror stories. They will glare at you as you register for the same dishes they registered for, and yes, if their cute nametag says BRIDE at the Expo, watch out. PS. If anyone is wearing a tiara and veil prior to the actual day of the wedding, move out the way. That's all I'm saying.
Reading -
I am currently reading Libba Bray's A Great and Terrible Beauty. I recognize that should I ever get my writing going, it will no doubt be for Young Adults, so I am reading more recognized YA stuff these days. That category offers me the most irritation, while at the same time the most possibility. It's one of those things - if you don't like what's out there, why just sit around and complain about it? A critic should at least attempt to correct what she finds so odious out in the world.
Anyway, the book is actually quite interesting, even if I feel it is a Supernatural Victorian Female version of Dead Poets' Society. I see on IMDB that it is already going to be a movie. No cast announced. God save us from Emma Watson, PLEASE.
I went to see The Ghostwriter with Ben and we ended the night deciding that we will join Netflix again, and we will begin a routine of renting films we can discuss on a deeper level. He was struck by my excitement about one of the scenes in Ghostwriter (it very clearly mirrored another Polanski film, Chinatown), and we decided to start film analysis. We tried with books but our tastes are so different... I'm still trying to read his recommendation.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I hate new year's resolutions...
The other night Ben and I were getting ready to have dinner and drinks with some of his high school friends. Unfortunately, this occurred on one of what I call my difficult closet days.
There are times in my life, fairly often in fact, where every piece of clothing in my closet is my enemy. There is nothing that fits well, looks good, is effective when I want to look somewhere between breath-taking and bargain-shopping. It's times like these when I am possessed with the idea that everything in my closet which is not appropriate would look better. I find myself thinking the only attractive shirt I have is a tank top and on a December evening, that's hardly going to happen.
Frustrated, I asked Ben what I should wear. He pointed out a few things, I argued, he gave up. This is not uncommon. What was different that night was something he said to me. As he left the closet, confused with the way my mind works, I told him to help.
"Here's the problem," he said. "In the three years I've known you, I've never heard you say you look fantastic. You never think you look amazing."
I have to admit to pouting, but more to realizing he was right. Aside from the very rare occasion, I usually do not feel that I look 'fantastic'. I had to wonder why.
Fantastic is a big word. It means based on fantasy, beyond reality, so extreme as to challenge possibility and belief. Fantasy is magic. It's the makeover moment at the end of the tedious TLC show, isn't it? So am I putting too much emphasis on the definition of the word? I shifted the thought - do I ever even think I look good? Or, downshifting even more, do I ever look good enough?
Ben followed up his statement with, "Hey - why are you worried? I'm just going to wear a hoodie."
"That's fine for you," I replied, and I meant it, which shut me up again. Why was it so much more important for me to look good instead of him? More than that, I had to wonder why I didn't think he was going to look bad at all. In my mind, hoodie and jeans was a completely acceptable outfit for him - in fact, it made me wish I had a flattering hoodie (is there any such thing?).
Fixing the problem with what I wore that night was really not the issue. Neither was what Ben wore. The reality is I have a different set of standards for myself than I have for other people. Even more surprising, I realized my set of standards is impossible to reach. My idea of fantastic is fantasy. How am I ever going to live up to my own ideals? Easy. I'm not. My standards need a makeover. It's no wonder that I never achieve my goals - no one could.
So in the spirit of New Year's, and doing something I truly hate (but promising myself that I will write about it as a sort of reward), I make a resolution. I am going to change the way I look ... at the world.
Will I keep this resolution? I don't know. I know that as of last year, cheating on my resolution was like lighting the fuse on the bomb - it would end it all. I would think one mistake would ruin it all - one out of 365 days and I gave up on the entire year! That seems a little unfair, when looking from an outside point of view, and mistakes need to be expected. So I hope that one way for me to keep this resolution is to expect some mistakes. Let's call it the first big step.
I'm starting my life with my husband - an awesome, amazing man who loves me even with all my imperfections. I owe him enough to start listening when he says I'm fantastic. Now is the perfect time for me to start a life that actually sounds a bit easier than the life I've been trying to lead. I know this is going to be very hard, but isn't that was New Year's Resolutions are for?
There are times in my life, fairly often in fact, where every piece of clothing in my closet is my enemy. There is nothing that fits well, looks good, is effective when I want to look somewhere between breath-taking and bargain-shopping. It's times like these when I am possessed with the idea that everything in my closet which is not appropriate would look better. I find myself thinking the only attractive shirt I have is a tank top and on a December evening, that's hardly going to happen.
Frustrated, I asked Ben what I should wear. He pointed out a few things, I argued, he gave up. This is not uncommon. What was different that night was something he said to me. As he left the closet, confused with the way my mind works, I told him to help.
"Here's the problem," he said. "In the three years I've known you, I've never heard you say you look fantastic. You never think you look amazing."
I have to admit to pouting, but more to realizing he was right. Aside from the very rare occasion, I usually do not feel that I look 'fantastic'. I had to wonder why.
Fantastic is a big word. It means based on fantasy, beyond reality, so extreme as to challenge possibility and belief. Fantasy is magic. It's the makeover moment at the end of the tedious TLC show, isn't it? So am I putting too much emphasis on the definition of the word? I shifted the thought - do I ever even think I look good? Or, downshifting even more, do I ever look good enough?
Ben followed up his statement with, "Hey - why are you worried? I'm just going to wear a hoodie."
"That's fine for you," I replied, and I meant it, which shut me up again. Why was it so much more important for me to look good instead of him? More than that, I had to wonder why I didn't think he was going to look bad at all. In my mind, hoodie and jeans was a completely acceptable outfit for him - in fact, it made me wish I had a flattering hoodie (is there any such thing?).
Fixing the problem with what I wore that night was really not the issue. Neither was what Ben wore. The reality is I have a different set of standards for myself than I have for other people. Even more surprising, I realized my set of standards is impossible to reach. My idea of fantastic is fantasy. How am I ever going to live up to my own ideals? Easy. I'm not. My standards need a makeover. It's no wonder that I never achieve my goals - no one could.
So in the spirit of New Year's, and doing something I truly hate (but promising myself that I will write about it as a sort of reward), I make a resolution. I am going to change the way I look ... at the world.
Will I keep this resolution? I don't know. I know that as of last year, cheating on my resolution was like lighting the fuse on the bomb - it would end it all. I would think one mistake would ruin it all - one out of 365 days and I gave up on the entire year! That seems a little unfair, when looking from an outside point of view, and mistakes need to be expected. So I hope that one way for me to keep this resolution is to expect some mistakes. Let's call it the first big step.
I'm starting my life with my husband - an awesome, amazing man who loves me even with all my imperfections. I owe him enough to start listening when he says I'm fantastic. Now is the perfect time for me to start a life that actually sounds a bit easier than the life I've been trying to lead. I know this is going to be very hard, but isn't that was New Year's Resolutions are for?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Just Keep Plugging
I actually hate that phrase - plugging is kind of a gross word, and the more you say it in your head, the worse it sounds. Far too many glottals for my taste.
However, it is what I am doing. I graduate in two weeks with my Master's in English, and, of course, the job market is a desert. I knew it would be anyway - the old joke people continue to tell in front of me, no matter how little I smile, is "Masters in English? Try Master's in Starbuck's!" Yuk Yuk. Today's economy has not helped this at all, though my experience writing in SEO style has been a little effective in getting some calls back.
On the plus side, I was considering doing ACP and teaching in the fall. I still think I'm going to get my certification here, but might as well do it now, for free, and hang out for a bit. That way when I have it, I can teach where I want instead of at a school that requires bullet-proof professional wear. I've been there and I've done that. I'm over it. The good news is that if I do the ACP here, the wedding plans stay on target (STAY ON TARGET), I don't have to worry about requesting time off because I know my boss will let us have it, and mostly, it's free.
Don't get me wrong: my resume is still out there floating around. I am still pursuing interesting looking opportunities. I am still willing and able to move anywhere (Colorado, California, Connecticut - please call me). However in the meantime, this is what the plan looks like.
Today I was approached to tutor someone, something I will really enjoy. I have time to write again, as evidenced here. I get up daily and go to the gym, something I seem to think I dislike until I'm done, then I feel amazing. I have a beautiful wedding dress in my upstairs closet! Life is good, pretty much, overall.
Last night I looked at Ben and said, "I love our life." I mean it, too. I got home from work, we talked, we watched a weird, artsy movie together, we ate dinner, played Rockband, and then got ready for bed. I said this as we were lying down, side by side, reading our sci-fi novels.
"Yeah," Ben said, "I love us."
However, it is what I am doing. I graduate in two weeks with my Master's in English, and, of course, the job market is a desert. I knew it would be anyway - the old joke people continue to tell in front of me, no matter how little I smile, is "Masters in English? Try Master's in Starbuck's!" Yuk Yuk. Today's economy has not helped this at all, though my experience writing in SEO style has been a little effective in getting some calls back.
On the plus side, I was considering doing ACP and teaching in the fall. I still think I'm going to get my certification here, but might as well do it now, for free, and hang out for a bit. That way when I have it, I can teach where I want instead of at a school that requires bullet-proof professional wear. I've been there and I've done that. I'm over it. The good news is that if I do the ACP here, the wedding plans stay on target (STAY ON TARGET), I don't have to worry about requesting time off because I know my boss will let us have it, and mostly, it's free.
Don't get me wrong: my resume is still out there floating around. I am still pursuing interesting looking opportunities. I am still willing and able to move anywhere (Colorado, California, Connecticut - please call me). However in the meantime, this is what the plan looks like.
Today I was approached to tutor someone, something I will really enjoy. I have time to write again, as evidenced here. I get up daily and go to the gym, something I seem to think I dislike until I'm done, then I feel amazing. I have a beautiful wedding dress in my upstairs closet! Life is good, pretty much, overall.
Last night I looked at Ben and said, "I love our life." I mean it, too. I got home from work, we talked, we watched a weird, artsy movie together, we ate dinner, played Rockband, and then got ready for bed. I said this as we were lying down, side by side, reading our sci-fi novels.
"Yeah," Ben said, "I love us."
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